Have you ever wished you had a Rewind/Edit/Delete button? 🫣
You know the times…
- When you fly off the handle at someone else’s seemingly harmless comment or action?
- When someone does or says something and you get into a spiral of anxious thinking, and you freeze?
- When you think something and SAY IT OUT LOUD? 🤦🏻♀️
It’s as if your inner 4-year-old is in command (and out of control), instead of the mature, level-headed adult that you are (supposed to be)! 😳
One of my clients said, “Sometimes, I can feel it coming, but often it’s SO sudden – almost instantaneous! My fists clench, my shoulders come up and my face screws up into a scowl. And I SHOUT! It’s explosive! It feels impossible to stop!”
“’Adult me’ knows it’s not helpful – it’s intimidating and rude – it’s ruining my most important relationships!”
“It’s like when I was a small kid and my emotions just exploded!” 💣
Emotions get the better of you…
Emotions may well have got the better of you here and there. It happens to us all. We most often notice when it’s the less pleasant ones, like anger, fear, anxiety, frustration, rejection, humiliation, abandonment or sadness.
There will have been good times as well, where even those ‘good’ emotions got the better of you!
Remember…
🤣 Fits of giggles at the dinner table that earned disapproval for disturbing the peace
🤣 Hilarity of bubble bath fights at bathtime, which got you in trouble for soaking the floor
🤣 Late-night squealing over ghost stories with your mates at a sleepover, which incurred the frustration of adults, because you woke up the younger children at 3am!
Emotions are ‘fuel for movement’
Emotions are the fuel for our behaviours – our movement in life – and as small children, they were how we made sense of the world: feels good/feels bad.
The thing with that? We didn’t have heaps of experience at regulating those emotions – we’d just… FEEL and react.
😵💫 Confusing…? Definitely!
🙄 Embarrassing…? Usually!
😩 Frustrating…? Often!
😱 Alarming…? Sometimes!
It’s not only emotions, either.
From birth, we’re hard-wired to survive – not easy as small, defenceless and dependent little beings, in a big, noisy, confusing, (sometimes scary) world.
Because we’re unable to do that for ourselves, we instinctively try to find connection, security and significance from those around us.
The tiny flaw in the plan is that we have no knowledge or experience to go on, except trial and error, those ‘tricksy’ emotions and our own ‘faulty’ logic about the outcomes we encounter. (You need knowledge and learning for logic – who’s ever known a 12-month-old to be logical)? 🤷🏽
So, you work for survival – at any cost! Sometimes it looks like a miracle that we made it!
And yet, here you are! And now, you‘ve made a courageous decision.
SO, WHO ARE YOU, EXACTLY?
You’ve decided you want to start working on you. Your life, your dreams, your purpose – whatever you call it for yourself. And you have an idea that it hinges on understanding yourself, to get where you need to get. Now you need to work out who that ‘You’ is!
Get clear on that, and you’ll be able to:
- Prioritise yourself, without feeling selfish,
- Recognise your own strengths, values and needs
- Create boundaries that respect you AND those who are important to you.
- Act assertively, instead of feeling like you’ve got to accommodate.
How do you ‘do you’ already?
If you START WHERE YOU ARE, you’ll begin by working out what you already do.
Sometimes, when I ask them, clients feel anxious and fearful that we will be focusing on:
- Noticing all the things you’re doing wrong
- Pointing out all your character flaws
- Identifying all the baaaaad stuff
- Spotlighting your weaknesses!
In other words, finding fault with everything!
Are you nodding as you read that? 😁
Actually, there’s a way that’s soooo much more helpful (and much more encouraging). 🥰
Have you ever watched one of those car restoration TV shows, where they come across a rusty heap in a barn, with bodywork that looks like lace – not in a good way?
They take it back to the workshop and painstakingly set about finding the salvageable parts before they replace all the other parts and end up with an amazing restoration that gleams and looks pretty much brand new!
I’m not saying you’re a rusty old barn-find! You’re definitely not! 😉
We can use the skills that we have
You have survived so far! How old are you, again? 🎂 Really? That’s a lot of surviving!
It might have been less than graceful, there may have been dodgy moments, and you may have ended up with holes and squeaks and that wobble you’ve got that always happens when you… (you get the picture).
That’s how WE look for what’s salvageable! Ever since you were born, you’ve been learning, acting, refining… trial and error have been the name of the game!
You’ve learned from mistakes, you’ve done more learning, adapting, refining… surviving… and here we are today. It may not have been perfect. Some of the strategies worked well and others… maybe not so much. That could be the ‘fly off the handle’, ‘say it out loud’, or ‘anxious freeze’ moments!
However, you created a rulebook for yourself that has allowed you to get through all the trials, tribulations, AND triumphs in your life. You’ve got a load of resources you’ve probably overlooked!
As you explore, you’ll discover that there’s a lot more that works than doesn’t.
Exploring the skills and strengths you’ve developed over the years and identifying all those values that give you your operating parameters – a real ‘audit’ of what works can be empowering and encouraging. You’ll get clear on how to USE WHAT YOU HAVE
Finding out what’s there to USE is important for clarifying your dream or big idea. In fact, it’s essential!
Looking forward
It’s essential for the DO WHAT YOU CAN part of the process too!
When you’re exploring, you’ll have a chance to evaluate the ‘useful’ from the ‘not-so-much’, with compassion and love for yourself and the wonder that you are.
Those of us who’ve made caring for others our mission in life have been so focused on making things happen for them that we’ve forgotten we can do the same for ourselves!
I know. 😉 It’s an alien concept! 👽
The little voice in your head says:
It’s selfish to be all “Me, me, me”!
NO!
Time For You
Remember your lightbulb moment: It’s time for change – Time for you!
You know how to do hard work – you’ve been doing it for others for YEARS! Now it’s YOUR TURN
And this is how to DO WHAT YOU CAN…
If you’re ready to start figuring this out, send me a DM, connect with me on socials – use my Linktr.ee/kim.leeown to connect, join the free workshop or waitlist here for this small group experience, coming soon or, if you can’t wait and want to start now, book a 30-minute ‘discovery call’ so we can see what working together would look like (also on Linktr.ee/kim.leeown)
I’d love to connect with you.
What are your biggest challenges in your quest to Be More You?
Let me know!
And remember, you really have got what it takes, to handle what life throws your way…
All you gotta do is… BE MORE YOU! ♥️