DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP! LOOK FOR THE LESSONS!

by | Feb 11, 2017 | Other info

I am reflecting this morning on the example I am setting here: You know, the one about beginning? Well I did great for the first week! I began, I wrote blog posts as I wanted to, three different days and put some stuff out through Facebook as well. Woohoo!

And then I hit a little road block. Ironically, I even blogged about it indirectly, the other day when I posted  BEGIN? I WILL, BUT I JUST NEED TO DO THIS FAVOUR FIRST…

I had completely over committed myself to work, meetings, other activities and had a deadline on something approaching very very fast. Something had to give. Despite good intentions and my promise to walk the walk, my blogging activities had to take second place to the urgent and important task of finishing the Final Assignment in a course I am doing.

Am I going to beat myself up about it? No. I might have, not too long ago, but in the spirit of becoming, I think that beating myself up is probably counter-productive. So I’m going with “What did you learn, Kim?”

ACTION PLANNING

First and foremost, those 5 things I set up in  BEGIN? I WILL, BUT I JUST NEED TO DO THIS FAVOUR FIRST… are a must for me. Not only do I need to put everything (and I think I mean pretty much everything), into my diary schedule, I also need to ask myself some questions:

  1. WHAT AM I AVOIDING DOING?
    In the BEGIN? blog post, I mentioned legitimising procrastination. So that’s the first port of call. Does this new task/favour/friend meeting/whatever, give an excuse to not beginning the task I set for myself? And if the answer is (uncomfortably) yes, then what is the purpose of the avoidance?
  2. IS THIS SOMETHING I CAN AFFORD TO TAKE THE TIME ON?If I do this thing, or add it to the list of things that need doing already, what is the cost? There are only 168 hours in the week, some of them needed for self-care, some for the work I have already set. Does this new task (or task we are looking at getting scheduled, that we have already said yes to), cost too much in time available or time already scheduled?
  3. IS THIS SOMETHING THAT WILL HAVE A KNOCK-ON EFFECT FOR ME OR SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT?
    What are the consequences of doing or not doing this task? If there will be a knock-on effect, is it something that can be dealt with, can it be moved to a different time? Will it impact a relationship adversely? What would the ideal way of dealing with it be, given no constraints, and what’s the worst case scenario?
  4. WHY DO I FEEL I REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS?
    Can I be really honest with myself about why this feels important to do?
Pretty awkward questions for a people pleaser, like me! I think if I can answer those questions, even if I feel I may be letting other people down, I may get some more insight into what I’m avoiding and what I am scared of doing and as well as that, who I am worried about displeasing. Because if it’s a relationship where I’m doing things through fear of rejection, then I need to look at a more healthy way of relating.

So that’s where I am today. Struggling with keeping the blog regular and fresh, but at the same time feeling pretty pleased with myself for completing the course, which I have been putting off (legitimately, of course!) for a bit too long.

Have a great day.

Question: What are the questions you need to ask, to learn how to keep yourself on track?
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