Sometimes I feel fear:
- That I am not good enough
- That other people know I am not good enough
- That if they know, they will not want to be around me and I will not be allowed to be part of their group
- That I must be special/have a special talent/have qualifications to prove it, to be worthwhile, and Lord knows, I am not special enough!
- Or maybe people think I’m putting on airs and graces and ‘acting’ special – when I’m not.
- I fear that there is a secret to being good enough and special enough, that I JUST DON”T KNOW!
Anybody else feel like that??????
Fearfulness is a way of protecting ourselves. Sounds daft, but think about it. If I feel fear and run for the hills, I will probably leave the danger behind and ‘it’ won’t know how to find me. If I am fearful, I can (probably) come up with a reasonable excuse of why I didn’t do (fill in the scary thing here). There is no worry about failing. There is also no possibility of success. (Success is a far more scary prospect in some ways – but that’s a whole different blog post!) I can abdicate responsibility if I blame it all on fear. I might get all sorts of sympathy if I am fearful. And most important of all, if I run for the hills, no-one can confirm the fears that I listed above are true.
Fear is disabling. When I feel fearful, I find myself drawing inward and closing down to try to protect my most vulnerable self and my greatest needs, (to belong and feel connection to others, and to feel that I have a valid contribution to make and that I have the courage to make that contribution, no matter the result).
But that is counter-productive.
Closing down and drawing inward are the exact opposite of what I actually need to do in that moment:
There are 5 actions I can take, to ease my fear and they may help you too:
- Remind myself of my connection with others
- List all the actions I have taken thus far and consider a next move. Any next move
- Make an immediate contribution that reaffirms my value and “good-enoughness”
- Acknowledge to myself, that I AM good enough, just as I am, right now
- Get out of my way!
If I can take these actions, by looking at what I am doing right now, not at how I am doing, I will feel less fearful and find the courage needed to continue. To take the next step and the next and the next…
As Dale Carnegie said,
“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it.
Go out and get busy.”
Let’s do it!